
Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/12830199.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      No_Archive_Warnings_Apply, Underage
  Category:
      F/F, F/M, M/M
  Fandom:
      Shingeki_no_Kyojin_|_Attack_on_Titan
  Character:
      Eren_Yeager, Levi_(Shingeki_no_Kyojin), Petra_Ral, Jean_Kirstein, Erwin
      Smith, Mikasa_Ackerman, Annie_Leonhart, Nifa_(Shingeki_no_Kyojin)
  Additional Tags:
      Underage_Sex, Cheating, Love, Falling_In_Love, Unrequited_Love,
      Unrequited_Crush, Multiple_Relationships, Multiple_Pairings, Multiple
      Partners, Idiots_in_Love, Love_Confessions, True_Love, Oral_Sex, Angst
      and_Hurt/Comfort, Emotional_Hurt/Comfort, Comfort_Sex, Secrets, Dead
      Inside, Porn_with_Feelings, Denial_of_Feelings, Attempt_at_angst, Lust,
      Not_a_Love_Story, Sad_with_a_Happy_Ending, Not_your_cliché_love_story,
      Alternate_Universe_-_Modern_Setting, Alternate_Universe_-_High_School,
      Break_Up, guilt_tripping, Petra_Ral_is_a_Bitch, This_Is_STUPID,
      Everybody's_stupid, Angst_with_a_Happy_Ending, Heated_scenes, Shameless
      Smut, Petra_is_such_a_slut, Petra_and_Jean_are_in_college, The_rest_are
      highschoolers, Rough_Kissing, Boys_Kissing, Sexual_Confusion, Sexual
      Frustration, Angst_and_Feels, Twisted_and_Fluffy_Feelings, POV_First
      Person, Don't_ship_anything_you'll_regret_it, So_many_ships, Hurts_So
      Good
  Stats:
      Published: 2017-11-26 Chapters: 1/36 Words: 1485
****** Lust and Love ~ Complete Confusion ******
by fudgecakez
Summary
     A painful love;
     Hopeless love;
     An unrequited love.
     Two broken souls, ignored and alienated in their minds by the people
     they want most, find each other; they did not love each other but
     that's what others believed it to be. In truth, they only loved that
     the other was there for them; they loved the attention and praise
     other showered them with; they loved the fact that the other was
     willing to please the other and drop everything for their sake.
     It was never love but god ... did they act like it was.
     Toxic;
     Posionous;
     It slowly caught up to them, corrupting their actions and minds,
     twisting and changing their entire psyche and thinking to what they
     believed would be most beneficial for their situations. Will these
     two be able to fix each other and themselves before they go
     completely insane?
     ×~×~×~×~×~×~×~×~×~×~×~×~×~×
     His hands tightened around me, his face buried in the crook of my
     neck and my chin rested on his shoulder. The "don't-let-go-of-me" hug
     ... but we both had someone else in mind as we embraced each other
     like this would be the last day we had left together.
[ Eren's P.O.V ]
It was the mid of July.
The day was postcard perfect; blue skies, no wind, and an ambient temperature;
downtown, the skyscrapers shone silver and bright in the afternoonsun,
highlighting themselves against the blue backdrop of the sky. Students and
other locals walked like shoals of fish in every direction. The week long storm
had washed every sidewalk and gutter, clean and the tincture of freshness still
lingered – thought the traffic fumes were highly overpowering it ... again ...
but it was still noticeable. The vibrancy of the city had bounced back in the
instant when the clouds cleared.
And then there was me: inside an empty classroom. The curtains had been drawn
to one side to allow some light inside and the windows were open to let the
cool summer breeze blow in. The school bell had rung a long time ago and most –
if not all – of the students had left for their homes or part-time jobs. I
gingerly ran my fingers on the cold wood of the teacher's desk – feeling the
ruggedness of the wood on my fingertips. Hesitantly, I took a seat on the
teacher's leather chair, leaning forward and resting my head on the table.
Closing my eyes, I reminisced about the times I had with him; when we used to
walk to school together, hand in hand; when I used to absentmindedly stare at
him, a slight smile creeping up on my face without me being aware of it.
I thought he was my soul mate.
There was nobody better than him.
"You're still here?" A deep, smooth yet ... childish voice called out - or
atleast, that's how I described it.
My eyes shot open. "Jonna!" I cried out as I hurriedly tried regaining my
posture. The blush spread across my face as I smoothed out my hair and the
nonexistent wrinkles in my skirt. I quickly got off the chair and stood up, not
facing him, for, I was afraid he would see how red my face had gotten just from
the sound of him calling my name - or was it the fact that I had been caught in
an act that could possibly suggest I had a crush on my teacher?
"You can't call me that in school, Chain. I'm technically your teacher right
now." He said with a rigid voice – trying to keep up his 'tough jock' façade.
I gulped down at the lump forming in my throat; his voice sent shivers down my
very spine, "N-no you're not. You're just a college student working as an
intern. A-also, you can't call me Chain in school, either."
He let out an airy chuckle and the atmosphere around us became lighter, "Oh
right. But I like it! It's been my nickname for you ever since we were little!"
A particularly hard gush of the chilly wind had goose bumps arising on my skin.
I only smiled, looking at the tree buds that had yet to bloom outside. Yes,
that was one thing we would always be: childhood friends. I knew I could not
have him but just being by his side was enough for me, temporarily.
I heard the classroom door open again and a silvery, gentle voice was carried
to my ears, "Jonathan."
"M-Makayla!" I heard Jonna exclaim. I sighed inwardly: I could practically hear
how hard his heart pounding in his chest just from the sound of her.
I involuntarily turned around, greeted by two figures: the male had the kind of
face that stopped you in your tracks. And his tight shirt taut on his body,
showing off how well-built and symmetrical he was. His black rimmed glasses
were placed perfectly on his nose and his jet black hair was done in a perfect
quiff. And despite all the opportunity that came his way, he was a one-woman-
man who prized genuineness and thoughtful conversation above lipstick and high-
heels. He was handsome outside, but inside ... he was beautiful, too - if not
better. The woman standing next to him was a completely different story.
One word could be used to describe her: fake.
I knew just from the looks of her that she was always putting up a front. It
didn't help, the fact that she was drop-dead gorgeous in more way than one.
People always fell for her deceptions assuming how pretty people could be
trusted as soon as you set your eyes on them. Her brown hair was always let
down and it gracefully sat on her shoulders in small curls. There was something
about her slashing blue eyes that made you submit to her. It was no mystery why
she had every guy in the whole school - and college, too - wrapped around her
pretty little finger.
Including Jonna. 
"Oh, hello there ..." Her voice was as soft, light and friendly but had a
pseudo-caring tone in it - that only I could sense, "... Chanelle."
I hated her. "Hi," I replied flatly.
"Do you need help with something?" Jonna walked towards her, his voice filled
with genuine care.
"Oh right!" She snapped out of her trance but her eyes lingered on me for a
moment too long. "You forgot your notebook in the staff room." She smiled a
bright smile, stepping a little closer to Jonna.
I couldn't stand it. 
I couldn't stand her.
So I walked out of the classroom
With my eyes glued to the floor, hair covering my face, I took my bag and left.
Let him enjoy his time with her. If I stayed I'd just be a nuisance, right? I
had just stepped out of the room when I bumped into something hard and firm. I
didn't even bother looking up - knowing exactly who it was. Somehow, he always
managed to find me when I felt down.
"I didn't see you." I whispered.
Behind us, both of us could hear the two of them flirting, laughing and
chatting as if they'd known each other for years.
"Thanks so much, Makayla."
"No problem! But I saw all that highlighting you've done."
"Ha ha. Well that's a bit embarrassing."
"Oh." The man in front of her broke the silence, "I thought you'd be crying."
I inwardly face palmed and smacked his head, "Idiot!"
As the two people inside the room chattered away, I could imagine Makayla
laughing at Jonna's dumb jokes, twirling strands of her hair and casually
touching his hands, his neck, his collarbone. Him. He, who belonged to her. He
who belonged to her but she could not have him. A glass ornament set atop a
pedestal only for admiration - no one has any right to touch.
"Don't the tree leaves look beautiful after the rain?"
It hurt;
This was a painful love;
A hopeless love;
An unrequited love.
I felt as the blond boy in front of me tightly grasped my hand, leading me to
the back of the school building, not once turning to look back to see whether I
was out of breath or the expression on my face. 
Were the trees really that beautiful?
I don't think so.
His body towered over mine, pinning me to the wall. One hand moving to cup my
face and the other intertwined out fingers together. He shut his eyes and
rested his forehead against mine for a moment before opening - his blue orbs
meeting my brown ones in a sort of ... confirmation. Not like he needed any;
since when had he started to care what I felt? He didn't. His head tilted to
the side, slowly leaning in until his face was just mere centimetres away from
mine. I could feel his lips barely ghosting and his breath on my cheek. My eyes
fluttered shut as soon as his lips came into contact with mine and his hands
moved to wrap around the small of my back to pull me flush, pressed up against
him. He forced his tongue into my mouth and fought mine for dominance - not
like he needed to ... He already had me feeling like complete jelly.
Everything seemed to melt away as his hot tongue licked every crevice of my
mouth. We pulled away shortly, the two of us gasping for breath and a string of
saliva still connected our mouths. His hands tightened around me, his face
buried in the crook of my neck and my chin rested on his shoulder.
Yes, the two of us were dating. 
But ...
"Jonna ... I really miss you ..." I murmured.
"I love you, Makayla ... " He whispered.
Yes, we are dating. But you know what they say ... A relationship is comprised
of two people who use each other to provide themselves with temporary
happiness. And that was the exact case with us. Yes, we were dating ... but our
hearts already belonged to another; we were bare substitutions for the people
that we both knew, we could never have. 
Warmth of another being is all we seeked from each other.
 
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